I was about 17 years old when God asked me to open my heart again.
The loss of my grandfather when i was 11 was my final straw and I had completely shut my heart down.
I didn’t want to feel,
I didn’t want to hurt.
Yet here was God asking me unlock the chains I had closed around my heart.
I remember challenging his words,
Why should I?
It was then that I learned my greatest lesson of all time,
Love and pain walk hand in hand
How crazy is that,
My 17 year self raged against God.
“Well forget love then”
“Who needs to love then”
God knew my heart, he knew that I was desperate to know love, to feel loved, to have someone who was mine.
After fighting against him for a year or so, running away from others, pushing people away, I finally found love.
My husband saw my fear and didn’t give up on me.
He saw through the pretence to the truth.
Slowly I learned to open my heart, allowed myself to feel.
To unlock the chains one by one.
To experience the wonder of a heart thats open.
My life has been full of so much pain, but finding the courage to open my heart again has meant that is has also been full of love too.