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I can’t hear you.

By on Sep 15, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

God I can’t hear you right now. I’m trying I promise but my thoughts are betraying me. I can’t take much more. I have no strength. My mind, my body is exhausted. I’m not good enough. It’s that simple. It feels as nothing i do is right. “It’s your fault” “You are to blame” “if only you were different”.   Different   How I wish i was different. I try to remind myself that you created me exactly how you wanted me to be. But all i can think is that maybe you messed up.   Listen to me, God messed up.   No i know its me. But who am I?   I don’t know anymore. I need to hear you God. Please.  ...

Ready

By on Sep 13, 2014 in Five minute friday | 0 comments

    It’s finally hit home. We are in the last days A week today my baby is going to university. The years of hard work have paid off. The nights of tears and frustration have bore fruit. I’m so proud of my girlie But I’m so not ready for her go. Don’t get me wrong she drives me to the end of my patience. She can set my temper alight like a match to gasoline. But university REALLY?? It’s scary letting her go out on her own. She is going to be a 3 hour drive away in a different country. It’s a big step in her life As her mom is a frightening step for me. Trusting I have raised her right. To be true to herself. To reach for her goals and to have faith in all she is. I hope she will remember kindness is always the key to happiness. Love on others. It is so hard accepting that she is all grown. It’s still only seems like yesterday that the...

Whisper

By on Sep 5, 2014 in Five minute friday | 5 comments

    Im so very tired right now. The summer holiday’s have slowly ebbed away all my strength. I am physically, emotionally exhausted. Its as if I am waging a battle in mind. There is no as if, I am at war. The enemy is invading my thoughts. “You are not good enough”. “You can’t keep up”. ‘You are weak”. Yet just as i am to immerse into the sea of lies I hear him He whispers my name. “Sara I am here’ So as i raise my hands to the heavens I realise I cannot do this on my own. I need his strength I need his love I need his truth.   You’re my place of quiet retreat; I wait for Your Word to renew me.                                                                                                                                Psalm 119:114 MSG...

Tell – Five minute Friday

By on Aug 15, 2014 in Five minute friday | 1 comment

  Life can be unexpected.   Plans can change overnight   Right moments can never happen.   It can be too late.   When my daughter was diagnosed with a life threatening condition, I realised something.   I may not have tomorrow.   It was this realisation that changed me.   I stopped putting off life and started living it.   Making memories and loving on others.   I stopped assuming that people knew I loved them and started telling them.   I wanted no regrets.   I wanted never to find myself wishing I had told them I love them.   Never to have missed the moment.    ...

Photographs

By on Aug 12, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Again in the small hours my mind starts to wander.   ‘Photographs ‘   How I love to take them.   Uploading smiles and memories to my macbook.   Scrolling through them one by one.   But the small hours bring me a truth.   A truth I have been trying to hide.   No more photographs   No more memories   No more Olivia.     I can tell you ever inch of her face.   I have cried over them so many times.   Those images are ageless.   Because she will be forever 9.   My heart aches so much.   I want to see her at 10   At 12, 13.   Next year would have been her sweet sixteenth.   My heart is missing.   Missing a piece that is lost to this world.   How do you face this?   The acceptance of no more.   I  only find strength in his promise.   In him I believe....

Fill #fmfparty

By on Aug 8, 2014 in Five minute friday | 6 comments

It’s that time again, when we  get to write freely for five minutes following the prompt given. This week is rather special. Today Five Minute Friday leaves the arms of Lisa Jo and lands safely into the tender care of the wonderful Kate Motaung.  I had the pleasure of getting to know Kate as we co-lead a incourage group. Believe me when I tell you Five Minute Friday is in safe hands. Kate is truly a beautiful lady with heart for God. So today’s post is extra special. I get to join is as always with this fantastic link up and I also get to support my friend.   So here goes.   I am so tired this week that at times I’m not sure I know my own name.   Its just one of those non stop crazy periods of life.   Appointments, trips, assignments and melt downs.   I love being busy.   When the time seems to fly and I feel like I’m achieving things.  ...

Finding my strength

By on Aug 4, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

When you find yourself standing there in front of an audience doing something you never believed you would ever find the courage to do.   Who do you thank?   When people read your story and ask you how you survived.   Who do you honour?   When your ache with exhaustion.   Where do you find your strength?       Its hard sometimes to realise how lucky we are.   When the days are normal or when the days are extraordinary.     As I conquered some major fears this weekend I know I found the strength in the one who strengthens me.   The one who has always believed in me.   The one who knows every hair on my head.   My God is my strength, it is through him and only him I have courage.   When the darkness tried to surround me he was my light.   When the lies of the enemy filled my head he was my truth.   He is...

Begin #fmfparty

By on Aug 1, 2014 in Five minute friday | 1 comment

So much expectation for our week away. Church camp is that really us? I watched him pack with a furrowed brow. What if I don’t understand? What if I don’t get it? These questions were really a facade. What if he doesn’t love me? was the truth.   How can i tell him one more time how our God loves? That nothing or nothing can separate you from him. My words they fall short. He knows I love him, maybe i just want to placate him.   The air was alive this week. Thousands coming together to bring glory to him. Our hearts, our voices, our service.   For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18.20 NIV Click To TweetPowered By CoSchedule   He listened, He listened hard. The words soaking over him like a waterfall. Slowly I see the light shine in his eyes. He doesn’t have to be perfect None of us are. He doesn’t have to understand it all None of...