We need to be the light..

I’ve taken some time away from writing here. I just couldn’t find my words. 

I was reeling from the world.

 A few news stories have broken over the last weeks, a man fallen, a woman formed. Stories where people have laid their hearts on the line, exposing themselves to others. 

It wasn’t the stories that broke me, it was the responses. So called Christians tearing apart another. Words of disgust, anger and in cases hate. Preachers using their platforms to spew judgement.

I’ve had to take a step back. Move away. Just taking time spending it with our father. Letting his peace wash over me.

I’ve searched my bible, 

Read and reread the words of our Saviour over and over. 

I didn’t find judgement.

I didn’t find disgust

I didn’t find hate.

There in the words of Jesus 

I found understanding 

I found love 

I found compassion.

I’m tired of hearing peoples opinions on others. 

Hearing what they seem to believe is right or wrong.

Each and everyone of us have our own pathways to walk. Our journeys to make. 

As a Christian my only response should always be love. 

It’s as simple as that.

We may not always understand or even agree but we have no right to judge.

We live in a broken world.

Let’s not be responsible for the breaking of others.

Let our faith shine out of us as we love upon on this world and upon others.

Let those who are weary come to us and let’s be the light Jesus asked us to be. 

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It seems as if the world believes some people should hide away.

Those who don’t fit the must be size.

Those that don’t love those others deem acceptable.

Those who have lost themselves a little.

Those who believe different from us.

Yet I know Jesus didn’t judge.

I also know than many scholars or others would try say different.

Still I stand by this

Jesus asked no one to HIDE

From the fallen lady at the well, to the Judas who betrayed him,

He loved all.

He asked everyone to come out into his light.

The light of empathy

The light of compassion.

The light of unconditional love.


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It wasn’t pretty

Good Friday,

The day of the cross,

Nails so deep,

A body so broken.

The cross

We talk so much about the joy of this day,

The gift of this death.


But let’s just really get our heads around this.

His death came only after hour after hour of pain.

Of torture so horrific we cannot bear to imagine.

But we must!


We must understand that our Saviour was flogged,

He was beaten.


We have to truly accept what Jesus suffered for us.

Because without this understanding we cannot truly acknowledge the gift, the sacrifice.


I’m getting tired of a pretty Easter.

Tired of the little lambs bouncing around with sweet yellow bows tied around their necks.

The lamb was slaughtered.

Good Friday wasn’t pretty. 

No amount of glitter and coloured paper can change that.

And it shouldn’t,

Jesus died for us,

He lay down his life for us,

For us all.

Jesus died so that we can know God.

That the barrier of sin is forever broken.

That we can live a life of eternal love from our Heavenly Father.

It was the greatest of gifts.

Yet when we try to make it something it wasn’t we take away the true beauty of what it is.

This sacrifice did not come easy.

It came with a crown made of thorns.


With shouts and spits and mockery thrown in the face of our Saviour.

It came with pieced bleeding wounds.

It did not come easy,

But it came in love.

And it isn’t pretty. 

But it is truly beautiful.

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I had to laugh the other day when I heard someone say they really needed a break. Of course they meant a holiday, a chance to get away from the norm. Maybe they had a beach in their mind or just some peace and quiet something we all crave at times.

Yet I laughed because I wonder if she really meant that she needed a break or like many words it was used in a wrong context. I’m not correcting her grammar or becoming the word police for me it was just a wonder if she really knew how it felt to have a break and I prayed that she didn’t.

break verb (END)

B2 [I or T] to destroy or end something, or to come to an end: 



‘Break’ is one of those dual purpose words where the context is needed to really understand.

The break of dawn, the glory of our father as the sun rises in the sky the gift of a new day.

The break in a bone, a painful injury that takes time to heal.

A break in the heart, something forever fragmented.

My mind was whirling filled with random thoughts and a symphony of emotions.  There was no Mozart just a clashing of notes so truly out of key.

You see I have a break,

A heart so broken it now beats to a different drum.

The melody of grief

The chorus of missing.

I pray that this lady got her break, her time needed to refresh and recharge her heart.

I pray that her life is filled with love and laughter.

But still I break 

Piece by piece my heart erodes like an ocean beating against fractured cliffs  slowing dropping pieces away deep in the shadows.

But the shadows hold no fear for me because as each fragment drops  and like the tears from my eyes my father catches them all.

Holding my heart in his hands cherishing, loving , promising that one day I will be whole.

That one day my heart will not hold a break but will be full of joy and peace.

If I am to break I am so grateful it is into the arms of our Saviour.

One who was broken for us.



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So God, why did this happen?

Why did I have to lose my child?

Ive searched ,the depths of my heart, the boundaries of my mind and I still have no answers,

Why my beautiful daughter?

Why my sweet little girl?

This cannot be part of the plan?

All my life I had searched for purpose then I held my first daughter in my arms and I had found the reason, the reason to be, a reason to breathe.

Three more reasons later my heart sang with the harmony found in the gift of motherhood.

Even when disability entered our lives my heart was at peace.

Caring, loving, mothering I felt complete.

Living on the breath of maternal love.

So why did the plan have to change?

Why did my heart have to break?

I didn’t know then,

I still don’t know now,

My mind wrestles with searching.

My heart aches with hurting.

Now as I watch the boy sleep,

A boy that had no home, has now a forever home in my heart.

A place to call home a family to call his.

Was this the plan?

I know that God didn’t take to give.

Still as the poppy that blooms in the battle field we can find find joy in the pain.

Light in the darkness.

Peace in the promise.

Faith in the father.

Faith in the father

37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39New Living Translation (NLT)


Joining in again with Five Minute Friday, pop over and read some more #fmfparty blogs.

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Faux pas

I did something so embarrassing yesterday I was actually horrified. It was only embarrassing because the other party found it funny but in fact it could have been perceived in a very different way.

I sent a text message to the wrong person. It was a simple five word message that could because it was in a different context, have caused pain.

I do love my mobile phone, the freedom of just sending of a quick text has really freed up a lot of my time. That quick text to say I’m on my way or the kids text telling me they have reached their friends safely. Honestly at times its been a lifesaver but yesterday I realised I had become complacent with the use of my phone. Yesterday’s faux pas was caused by me trying to do two things at the same time.

This left me thinking a lot last night how the art of true communication has become rather secondly in my life.

The fact that I didn’t stop to take the time to send my text to the right person actually meant that I hadn’t shown enough thought for the person the text was actually meant for.

What if God was like this, what if he only listened to half of our prayers or only gave his love when it was convenient.

Would he been saying “whoopsie my bad”.

God gave all, he sent down his only son to die a painful death because be loved us, yet I couldn’t concentrate long enough to send a text message.

Yesterday’s mix up has really made me look closely at some of my communication habits and I’ve realised I’ve picked up a few bad ones along the way.

Updating facebook before updating my loved ones.

Not calling or texting personality with news isn’t ok.

Using my phone to check social media when I have company.

Is this saying I find my online friends more important that you here and now.

I’m sure there may be a few more.

The invention of the mobile phone and the use of social media has brought many advantages to my life and I am truly grateful for the use of it all.

Still I shouldn’t get complacent with it.

I should monitor every word I text, tweet, upload as I do every spoken word.

Take time to check before I send, because words in all forms matter.

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday, one I know I need to remember.


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I was about 17 years old when God asked me to open my heart again.

The loss of my grandfather when i was 11 was my final straw and I had completely shut my heart down.

I didn’t want to feel,

I didn’t want to hurt.

Yet here was God asking me unlock the chains I had closed around my heart.

I remember challenging his words,


Why should I?

It hurts

Its hard.

It was then that I learned my greatest lesson of all time,

Love and pain walk hand in hand



How crazy is that,

My 17 year self raged against God.

“Well forget love then”

“Who needs to love then”

God knew my heart, he knew that I was desperate to know love, to feel loved, to have someone who was mine.

After fighting against him for a year or so, running away from others, pushing people away, I finally found love.

My husband saw my fear and didn’t give up on  me.

He saw through the pretence to the truth.

Slowly I learned to open my heart, allowed myself to feel.

To unlock the chains one by one.

To experience the wonder of a heart thats open.

My life has been full of so much pain, but finding the courage to open my heart again has meant that is has also been full of love too.



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Dancing with Jesus

I had to tell my daughter some sad news yesterday about the passing of someone we knew. I wasn’t sure how she would respond she has faced so much her loss in her young life.

Again she amazed me in her wise way with the words “such joy, she is dancing with Jesus now”.

I hate that my girls have faced so much sorrow in their lives, death is something we should only really have to think on as we age.

Yet I do love my daughters view on death and loss. She tells me she doesn’t grieve for the loss because we know that they are not gone from us. “I grieve for the missing”. 

How true is this?

We know that one day we will all be reunited.

That death has no sting, so we can rejoice in the promise.

But it is the right here, right now we miss them.

We miss the sound of their voices, the touch of their hand, their laughter, their smell and so much more.

We grieve for the now, the present.

Yet how short will this lifetime seem when we are together in eternity?

I sat cuddling with my daughter for a while. When she turned to me and said “knowing doesn’t stop the pain though mom” 

“I know my darling” I answered.

But it stops it from consuming you though because we have hope”. 

My wise little owl how true are her words.

I often wonder where these thoughts come from.

She uplifts me in ways she will never know, never understand.

Losing Livvy nearly did consume me but my girls, my precious girls they are my hope and together we trust in Jesus.



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When I stood There beside you and said I will.

When two became one for eternity.

When the tears fell down your face as you became Daddy.

From the tired smiles from a long day at work.

To the twinkle of your eyes as you tease your girls.

When I see you now my heart still skips a beat.

Nearly 20 years together but still so very new.

I didn’t believe in true love until I met you.

When you stole my heart so quickly and completely.

When I fell in love with the good and the bad

The unique combination that makes you.

When I find myself lying awake just to hear you breathe.

Just reaching out reassured that you are by my side.

To the smile that reaches my face when your key hits the door.

The tingle that goes up my spine when you reach for me to hold.

You hand in mine.

My heart is yours forever more.

When God blessed me with you.

I learned that true love was not a myth

But a true and God sent gift.



My gift


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Even when it hurts..

I have coughed so hard this weekend that I honestly believed I may have cracked a rib. Every breath I took was harsh and painful. Yet even though the coughing was painful I knew i needed it to clear my chest.

Life is like this sometimes we have to go through stages that bring us pain to reach the places we really want to be.

The places we deserve to be.

Cutting away at the dead foliage to allow the new shoots to bud and blossom.


It’s these times when the pain is raw and the wounds are open that I give thanks to God.

In the midst of the darkness I know he is my light.

Like the stars that light the nights sky he is my compass, my navigation tool.

The decisions I make are based on his truth.

The life I live is in hope to bring him glory.

Of course I mess up.

Sometimes I do it in style.

My emotions cloud my judgement, anger hides my compassion.

It is in these times I have to clear my chest, cough up my sin and pray for grace.

Ask for forgiveness, knowing that because of love I am already forgiven.

Walking through the pain with my hand in his.

Suffering can refine us rather than destroy us because God himself walks with us in the fire.

Timothy Keller

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